inspire me

when life usually hits us the hardest, we try our best not to ponder on it and move on, believing it’s going to be better the next day. but honestly, it just doesn’t, we know that but we would just try to oversee the situation for some weird reason.and honestly, i’m tired of pretending things are, i’m tired of trying to please everyone, i’m tired of putting others first before myself. i am tired.

in just merely a months time, i’ll be hitting 20, the next phase of my life. no more a teen. a full fledged adult.i have to take a stand for what i want, stand by what i believe.i’m done worrying bout the wrong steps i may take. i just wanna leap.

all i am gonna worry bout now is whether god allows it a not. whether, it’s against my religion to do so.. besides that. why must i keep thinking so hard?

i’m breaking free, i can’t give 2 shits bout what you think..

finally the ut’s are finally over. kinda at ease right now.phew. and thanks to bahar for yesterday’s accounts paper for teaching the “PEArl” concept. and for all the card reading.. i really hope things work out that way.

well, besides that been taking tiny steps to where i wna reach. been working on the book. hopefully by fri will finalise the layout. and i also hope to get my advertistmnents out by next week..i have to get it sorted like sooon.

gosh , any hopefully by this weekends i would be able to find a web designer and a graphic designer for my website, name cards and paper bags.and also have to do my reasearch on my tailors. haiz

after, all these… i really hope to get a breather…

thats all for now, love

mai

yennadoushiii:

raiheehee:

I give up.

I give up on everything around me. I don’t know how to handle things. I just don’t know how to do everything.

I need to reflect on my life. I hate my poly life. I don’t understand why i must have problems. I was just living my life. Honestly, i did not have any problems.

I cared for the people around me, thats my biggest problem. I cared to listen to them. I cared about their well being. THATS MY FUCKING PROBLEM! I didn’t care if i was being appreciated or not. THATS THE FUCKING BIG PROBLEM THAT I HAVE.

Honestly, i didn’t find caring for people a problem at all. Until recently. I know i have a big body, but how much can i take in right. I am not some fucking sponge, where you use and then throw me away after you’re done.

I know i made a mistake. But humans always do. And as a matter of fact, i did that mistake, hoping that it will help you. But yea i know. No one helped and all. But think about it, how can anyone help when they were suppose to pretend they didn’t know anything.

If they had asked you about it, before the problem was solved, won’t you react the same way as you are reacting now? And then you’ll prolly be all alone when handling the situation. Coz you wouldn’t want anyone of us, like now.

I don’t know. You must feel betrayed and all. But maybe you should start looking at the situation as a whole. There’s no point hating or being angry at everyone.

You want to be friend-less or whatever, thats your problem baby.  You think i don’t need you, all that is up to you to assume.  Cause i know i apologized. Upteen times. But honestly, thats the only thing i can do. The rest is up to you. You may think i am not remorseful and all, but hey, i really gave up.  And if you do think that way, then you are assuming all over again.

There’s no point explaining my side to you cause all u have is more and more questions to shut me up. I have thought about it, cried about being such an ass, but seriously, in the end i ask myself WHY? And then i have no answer for myself.

I still love you and care for you all the same, thats up to you to believe, i don’t need to prove anything. Its up to you now, but whatever it is, just inform me.

We have shared 5 years of friendship. and you just want to let it go like that, thats up to you.

Whatever it is, just take care.

You know you still have the rest. It hurts me alot when she say she know alot of people like me and that I only talk big and never give any results. GET YOUR FUCKING FACTS RIGHT FIRST BEFORE YOU EVEN SAY THAT TO ME! You don’t even know what we went through. Stop being immature and reflect on what you do. We cared so we asked. I don’t know bout them, but I know I had some “how are youss” along the way. That’s the least I could do to make you feel that someone actually cared. Be grateful for that! Thank you. I’ll leave it as it is. If that’s what you go for, You do it. I’m out.

 there’s only something we cn do, if they cnt except things.. let them fuck off… honestly, it was kinda obvious.. besides if u were realli trying to hide it.. y high five your fren when u guys found out u were in the same situation, ridiculous… i blame myself for caring, cos maybe i shudn’t have. to think you fucking nt noe how worried my sis was for u… fuck off bitch.. to hell… i dun tolerate my sis being walked over. to think my sis cared… you shudn’t have… only when she neede help she came, now she blames, cnt be bothered.

once again, i dun tolerate my sis being walked over, so fuck off… i dun wannna see your face.

 honestly i have to start doing things right. i have to start getting up earlier, come for all lessons, start studying and planning all my activities carefully.slap me please!!! aahhhhh…

I HAVE TO:

• start studying and mastering all my modules
• get my A’s in class
• have a proper fix regime cos now my bed time is screwed
• establish my plans
• get my namecards and stuffs sorted
• my brand and tag line
• biology book planning
• get my resume sorted
• diet routine
• business plan

and this is how my weekends are gonna be spent, how annoying.. ish..ish